A wheel of life will always run on its path and path. There will be times where we are at the bottom, and there are times when we are in the position above. There will be times when, a success will speak for itself.
Year 1996, September. It was the year I was born into the world. The year at the beginning, where my father became a retired trainman. I was the seventh child of 7 siblings. It feels happy when I know, I have 6 older siblings.
Mom owns a shop business near the station. His business is like food and beverage packaging, such as a grocery store. When my father was a retiree, he had farming activities in the garden and had many chickens.
2013. It was the beginning of my high school graduation. More precisely hell SMK (vocational high school). That is where the toughest point for me, because yes other than me who has graduated, it means will be a burden for my father and mother.
There is a sense of tightness, annoyance, anger. Somehow the expression that I have to spend at this moment. I'm not allowed to go to college by mother. During the 2 years running after I graduated from high school, I just helped the mother work in her grocery store.
It was hopeless when I knew I had to bury my dreams. The harshness of a life, made me learn the meaning of looking for a bite of rice. It turns out this way, it's hard to make money. There is a sense of envy, when you see friends can go to university and college with the majors they want.
I've taken the SNMPTN exam when I was in school. Had a great wish that I could go to college at the university that I wanted. But it turns out, God wants another. I failed the SNMPTN exam. The number of competitors, plus the SNMPTN exam is seen from the value of the national exam.
That same year, God gave me a trial. My father is sick and requires him to be hospitalized. It turns out the father had a mild stroke. Some of his legs can not work, so he requires a wheelchair.
My family and I take care of the father at home. The mother who prepared all the needs of the father, and the brother who prepared other necessities. Sometimes my brother and I take turns taking care of the father. It turns out that behind the ordeal God has given us, God has united us. Usually my brother always has his own busyness. But this time, we have a togetherness for taking care of the father.
Year 2015 God gave me a trial again. God loves much more than our fathers. In January, the father is called by the Divine. There is a sense of congestion that is not willing, but how else, God is much more loving than our father.
In the same year, a few months after my father's death, God gave me another trial, our shop business was dismantled on the grounds that the lease would not be renewed. There is a sense of tightness when we know, our efforts will be dismantled. Feeling irritated, angry, disappointed to be united.
That year was the year when my mother's struggle started right then, the beginning of where all the mother's fight for me began. There is a sense of sadness, at the age of mother who is not young anymore, I have not been able to give the best for mother. Unable to make mom happy and yet can make mother proud with my result or prestas.
It does not feel like it's been a year since our father left us all. One year of daddy (year) will be done at our house. House relics father, more precisely the home belonging to the service.
A few days later, my mother got a letter. A letter that we had to vacate the official house within a week. God gave me another trial. We prepared all forms of our move, until we finally moved from the official house.
Behind every trial God gave us, it turns out God gave me the most beautiful present for me. A gift I will never forget. A dream that has long been buried, because of a circumstance. And now, God gives me a chance that I achieve what I've always dreamed of.
My brother offered me a lecture, exactly 1 day of closing SBMPTN exam. That means I do not have a chance to get into state university anymore. Because SBMPTN exams can only be followed by graduates who have just graduated and one year after graduation. The chance is only twice. And I can not follow it. There was a sense of inferiority, when I was going to college again.
I enrolled in a private university in Bandung. I enrolled in 2 private universities. The first time I enrolled in a private university with a path of achievement (rapot score), and the result I succeeded. But again when a financing outflow, I had to retreat to study there. The expensive entrance fee, not to mention the dorm, made me have to withdraw from the university, because I did not want to burden my mother and sister.
Finally, I took a written exam at a private university again and it worked. I escaped and I finally got one stage from my dream. When I was in college, I was interested in psychology. But unfortunately, my mother forbade me. I can only take a computer course just like when my brother went to college. If I insist on choosing a psychology department, then I should not go to college. Finally, I decided to go to college with the computer, just like I wanted, provided I could go to college. Because with college, that will be my bridge to reach all my dreams.
At the beginning of college, the first semester, I registered a scholarship from West Java. This scholarship process takes time. There was a bit of fear, if I did not get the scholarship, because the scholarship was seen from the value of rapot during school and other achievements. Alhamdulillah, I finally got the scholarship for one year. Thank God, finally my struggle is not in vain, I finally can reduce my mother and brother burden.
The distance from the house to the campus takes about 1 hour, the journey is quite tiring. Not to mention, because a long distance, making the cost of the cost more expensive, so you can say 20,000 more, in one day. To reduce my mother's burden, I do not often snack on campus. Yes, most of the time. That is if there is any money left. If there is no yes, fasting Monday-Thursday, in order to save money for tomorrow. Not to mention if there is a copy or a kind of print, should be on guard, let me not ask for money much the same mother.
I've taken entrance exams for college in Japan, but I'm failing at first selection. The answer is not because I give up. But because of selection at the beginning, the Japanese scholarship asks high school graduates instead of vocational school. There is a sense of tightness in my heart, but I believe everything that God always gives what is best for his servant
But, there is a lesson as well, I can not scholarships to Japan, because I have a dream to be able to go abroad with psychology majors, like what I dreamed. There is a direction and a path that I do not believe in from the beginning. Not a wrong choice, but an inner conviction that made me give up on that dream.
Sometimes we do have to follow the steps of others first, so we know, who exactly we are. Like what we really are. Realizing a mistake yourself is a human error that is difficult to find. Because we sometimes be selfish and do not want to lose, so we finally close who we really are.
I was wrong, because I was never sure of my dreams. Leave everything to a state that I do not know when it will end. But God awakened me with a lot of trials, so I realized, there are still many other dreams out there. There are many other opportunities out there to get us up and down.
Choosing a path that we pass, sometimes make us regret ourselves. Choose directions and paths that we do not know for sure, whether to end up failing or succeed. Only God knows. But if this time, we step through the steps of others. Try to turn and choose a path that we believe with a strong commitment. If it fails, try again until it succeeds. If it falls, then rise again until all our dreams are achieved. Sometimes God gives us what we need, not what we want, so we know who we are. Because God always gives what is best for us in the way and the time.
God always gives me a beautiful opportunity in my life. In every trial that God gives me, there is always a lesson and lesson that I learned from this life. God always has a way, and the time is right to show all the good things to his servant. And I believe it. There is always a way for us to try.
Sometimes, complaining always makes me step on the wrong path. There is a sense of disappointment, anger, sadness, joy, it is united to be one like a candy in the night market. Sometimes we do have to be cracked first, so we move. Moving to achieve what we dream.
I always believe in my heart, that dreams and dreams are to be pursued and obtained, always try and never give up and believe that we can. There is always a way for us to try,
If we have dreams, do not give up on this life. Do not consider the harshness of this life, but live it, there will always be a way for us and a power of prayer that we pray to God. Pursue, before it's too late and make us regret in the future.
Before stepping, make sure you can, walk on top. Walk your own way, do not follow where everyone else goes, when all is bitter and difficult, remember that your struggle is long because it takes time and process. Prove to everyone and your parents that whatever your choice is, it will be your responsibility. Never give up. Dream up to the heavens, and prove that someday your dream will be accomplished.
As quoted from the article (one of the blogs) about Adam Khoo.
"God is never wrong in creating every creature, much less human. If anyone thinks he or she is unlikely to succeed, many shortcomings, it is because he has not yet discovered the potential and the advantages in him "
There is also an advice from Bob Sadino (1933-2015)
"Our life should be like" moon & sun "- seen by people or not, it will still shine. Appreciated person or not, he keeps illuminating. Accepted or not, he still 'shares' "